Through the looking glass...through a glass, darkly...How do you see yourself? On those days when you are finding it hard to be with yourself- when you cannot see anything positive in who you are, what you do, how you look- ask yourself one simple question.
"What can I see?"
Seeing yourself as a reflection through others' eyes is a certain route to a negative self-view. Those that flatter you, make you larger-than-life, through love or for their own ulterior motives, will make you feel so good when you are with them. But what happens when you are alone? When you cannot pretend to be more than what you are?
Those eyes that view you with condemnation, distaste or indifference will make you feel inadequate, lacking...wanting. If you ask yourself what you can see and realise that it is the eyes of others that you are utilising to create your self-view, stop now.
Look carefully at your mental image of yourself. Listen to the descriptive vocabulary that you use to access this image. Are they your words? Is that your voice that you can hear? Apply filters...focus on the words that you can hear and discard all the voices that are not your own. Now start again. Sit quietly with yourself and look at you, at your image of you.
Admire all the parts that you are fond of...do not be afraid to look at the bits that are less attractive. Unpack the elements that you are less pleased with and examine them carefully, one by one. These are all parts of what make you. Try to understand what it is that you do not like about them. If your answer is that somebody else does not like xyz about you, discard this in the same place that you put the voices in the previous paragraph. Now look again, with your own eyes.
What can you see? What is it about this facet of you that you are not comfortable with? Is it a behaviour that you need to modify? Is it an addiction that you can break? How will you regain control of what is superfluous to a you that you can live with, happily? Have you developed a negative, bitter world-view through experience? Look at those experiences. You are still here, you have survived- or you would not be reading this!
Experience is merely learning. To learn is to live. Learn about you, the you that only you can see; begin the process of celebrating what is amazing about you and ridding yourself of what is not. Begin taking the steps to ensure that you embrace each day with positivity.
Remember to ask- what can I see?
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