The Triumph of Forgiveness

The change of seasons often signals a time of triumph and renewal...gently lifting our spirits and ushering us closer to the warmth of new opportunities. Every seasonal shift is a time of hope, healing, restoration and improvement. We're reminded of the certainty of love and the power of forgiveness...extreme forgiveness. The thrilling discovery of the power of forgiveness sets us free.

My friend, Kim, introduced me to a living example of forgiveness on steroids when she spoke of meeting women who forgave those who meticulously, brutally murdered their husbands, sons, fathers and brothers. Battered and bruised, the women of Rwanda were left to pick up the pieces of their devastated lives and communities, to bind up the ragged remnants of their families and country. Hearing their stories, I could only ask: "How is this possible?"

Kim made six international trips to minister in Rwanda after the genocide, arriving first in the capital of Kegali. Stunningly beautiful, Rwanda is known as "the land of a thousand hills" because of its resemblance to Switzerland. What comes most readily to mind, however, is the eruption of 100 days of slaughter in 1994 and the loss of over 800,000 lives.

In the northern border town of Gisenyi, Kim was part of a conference for women from Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. One group of attendees lived so far into the bush and were so impoverished they actually lived naked. The ministry provided clothing; the women walked two hours to the nearest road, then they were picked up and driven to the gathering. Many others walked for hours, babies strapped to their backs. After eight or nine hours of teaching, they still hungered to receive more spiritual strength.

One woman, in particular, stood out. After Kim's presentation, this woman stood up and shared her story. In one single day, she had lost seventeen members of her family...her husband, parents, in-laws, brothers, sisters, and all of her children. Three months later, she gave birth to a child who also died. In conclusion, she announced that she thanked God for all He had done in her life and for sparing her.

My friend, Kim, walked out of the room. She had never met forgiveness at that level and was trying to find a point of balance after hearing her words. To live in joy, despite such dire circumstances was remarkable. Often, the first thing we do is to blame God.

Kim said, "We went to Rwanda to help in any capacity we could. What we quickly learned is that we were the ones who were changed; we learned what it meant to forgive. The Rwandan people became our teachers, by example. I was forever changed."

Forgiveness is a choice. Each day, the Rwandan people choose to forgive. To do otherwise is to live in bondage to anger and bitterness. Even today, they are actually mingling with many of the same people who were responsible for the deaths of their families; yet, they are choosing to forgive. Kim said, "They still celebrate and praise God and forgive people who, perhaps, never even bothered to ask for their forgiveness."

I recently interviewed Dr. Robert D. Enright, founder the Forgiveness Institute at the University of Wisconsin, who describes forgiveness as "a merciful, loving act, freely given, toward or for the person who was unfair to you. Forgiveness is an expression of the love and hope which we extend to one another." According to Dr. Enright, whenever people who have been deeply wounded can forgive, their anger, anxiety and psychological depression go down, while self esteem and hope for the future go up.

Most of us have experienced harsh words or betrayal by someone we know. The important message is that extreme forgiveness is possible. More important, the consequence of being unforgiving is that we're deprived of joyful living.

Jesus' resurrection and unconditional love demonstrate the power of extreme forgiveness. He forgives us; He died for our forgiveness. Whenever you think you've suffered an unforgivable hurt, remember the Rwandan woman whose unfathomable loss still left her healed and whole.

© Regina M. Prude, 2011 Column No. 21101-Rev

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Turn Trouble Into Triumph

What can you do when your friends, business partners or loved ones are not on board in your pursuit to accomplish your goals? What steps can you take to ensure you create a win win situation? Is that even possible? With any conflict, opposition, or setback, you can turn the situation into a benefit. You just want to explore options on both sides of the fence.

Finding a solution that will allow the other party to feel appreciated can be difficult and down right exhausting. You can find yourself, bending over backwards and still not getting a fair shake. This can become frustrating and lead you to doing something drastic. But there are options you can take to accomplish your goals when others aren't buying in to what you are working toward.

Below are some strategies that will provide you a truly favorable outcome whether you are selling a product, selling your parents on using the car, selling your kids on going to bed early, selling a business partner on an idea, or selling your in-laws on a vacation spot that you want to visit, instead of where they want to visit.

The first thing you want to do is actively listen to what they are saying. This is the first technique we learned in coaching. You want to give your undivided attention. Clear your thoughts of any preconceived notions. Then you ask the question, what does success look like to you? What does the accomplished goal look like to you? What does the end result look like to your business partner, to your parents, to the team you are on or to your spouse? You can ask anyone of these questions in any situation to gain clarity and control.

This allows the other person to voice their concerns while providing you with a clear picture of how they view things. When you understand there point of view, this not only provides you with a clear vision or picture, but it provides you the opportunity to help make the end result a reality for them as well. If we were sitting here a year from now, or at the end of summer, or by New Year's, because you want to a time frame on when the event will happen, what would've had to have happened in order for you to accomplish this goal, or feel good about your success? Allow your parent, business partner, friend, or spouse paint the picture of how they see things.

Secondly, what course of events would've happened for you to feel good about your progress, or the business' progress, or the progress of our relationship? So whats the ideal state, what will it take for us to get where we want to get to, what's your definition of success? And then address the current condition that's not that. This provides you with a benchmark as to where you are now in comparison to where you want to be.

The third question you ask is, what are the obstacles in the way of you getting there? You can use a technique called a swot analysis. The "S" stands for the strengths, skills and talents that you have. The "W" stands for weaknesses that need to be addressed and the "O" stands for opportunities that need to be explored and captured. So what are the opportunities out there that you can take advantage of. And the "T" stands for threats. What are the dangers in the market place, within our company, within ourselves, within our family, within our relationship, that could stop us from being successful. It could be the competition, it could be your limiting beliefs, it could be your fears, it could be your lack of knowledge.

The fourth step is to demonstrate to your parents, your friend, your business partner, your spouse, or whoever you are interacting with, show them how your project, your plan, your goal, or whatever it is you are wanting to offer or promote, will actually help move them from the current state to the ideal state.

You know, if you were to just go in like you are selling your idea to your parents, the team, your business partner or spouse, you are in a sales position and they are probably resisting because they have their own thoughts and agenda. But if you can get them to be clear about what success looks like to them and address the current situation and help them see the difference between the two, the obstacles that need to be dealt with, and do the swot analysis. Speak to them using the same words and language they use to communicate with you. So now you are speaking in their terms and using words and verbiage they are familiar with, as you paint the picture of the ideal state and what they want.

This certain way of doing things creates a great deal of control and momentum, which translates into an extremely abundant and favorable outcome. Your intentions are to create a very conductive environment where all the parties involved get what they want and you get what you love.

Another process you can use is to sit down and think of all the obstacles that can come up, think of every problem, think of every road block, think of every possible thing that could go wrong. Then ask yourself, what are three answers that you can use to address the problems or obstacles, so when they come up, you can deal with them. So when you are presented with an obstacle, you now have 3 options to choose as your next course of action. This is an extremely easy and powerful technique to use when you are faced with a decision or unexpected circumstance.

We all know that people can be very pessimistic and find things wrong with everything you do. So when you propose your idea to them and you already have solutions or options to their objections, this puts you in a position to create powerful change and receive abundance in all areas of your life. This really makes life fun, exciting and you begin to look forward to each new moment!

Keith is a Personal Development & Online Marketing Coach. He empowers and inspires people to discover their passions, fulfill their dreams, and achieve their life's purpose. To learn more, please visit: http://LifePassion.net/Learn-More

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