Frankly, it's a relief not to learn all of my life lessons in one gigantic big bang. I don't think I could take the explosion. I'm a slower learner. I accept this about myself. I don't believe in life recipes which create the perfect lesson learned once for all time. Nope. Not my cup of tea. I subscribe to the "onion theory" for learning life's lessons - one layer at a time, working deeper toward the core.
Maybe I just like my own individual dramas that reveal the personal mystery of who I am, what I'm made of and who I am becoming. One little bit at a time - life's strip tease. Each challenge or crisis presents an opportunity to grow a little more human, accepting, patient, humble, accomplished, understanding, forgiving, loving.
Everyone has something, some suffering or uncertainty, some part of life that leaks through the cracks of daily living to remind us that life is a journey and we're all creations in process. The quality of our lives depends on how we respond to what's on our plate. I may love hearing about other people's lives, but I'm the only one who can live mine. I struggle through some days, dislike others and feel pretty good about the rest. Would I trade any of them for one perfect day? Nope. Like I said, I'm a slower learner - I'm grateful for all of them.
Yet, sometimes, to avoid the uncertainty of the journey, the cracks in the road, and in myself, I feel the need to be in control. Does this sound like a contradiction to the "onion theory"? It is, but that's OK. Contradictions are part of life. I want to be conscious of the contradictions. I don't want my life rationed out by the distraction of self-deceptive certitude. Living with contradictions, foibles, vulnerability or even tragedy isn't a fate worse than death. It's human. I have choices - so do you.
We learn our life's lessons as we make our choices. We make our choices and learn our life's lessons. We're responsible for what and how we learn. My way of learning may not be yours. It doesn't matter. You've got to find your own way. Some lessons take longer than others. Along the way some things become clearer. Here are some life lessons that have recently paid me another visit.
LIVE IN THE PRESENT
Author Faith Baldwin, defined time as, "...a dressmaker specializing in alterations." Life patterns and habits are created from our relationship with the present and the choices we make day by day. Each day offers the opportunity to make alterations. I'm taking more time during the day to be still, quiet my mind and meditate, especially when I am very tired or stressed. I can become very driven when I have a task I want to complete or an article I "have" to finish. Taking time to know when to stop, be still and meditate, refreshes my mind and body.
PATIENCE HAS TWO FACES
Saint Augustine wrote, "Patience is the companion of wisdom." George Jackson, said, "Patience has its limits. Take it too far and it's cowardice." The challenge is finding the balance. I decided that a project I've been working on needed to either bite the dust or move forward. When I realized that fear of failure was holding me back, I screwed up my courage, took the risk and moved ahead. I'll learn from my success or from my failure - but I won't be sitting around wondering about what "might have been".
GENTLE STRENGTH
Ralph W. Sockman writes, "Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength." I know a peaceful mind supports my capacity for effective action and that gentleness guides my progress and opens my heart. I admit that I'm sometimes too driven and I often expect too much from myself. So I'm reminding myself to work on my tasks "softer" rather than "harder." It makes getting out of my own way a lot easier.
What lessons from life's strip tease are alive and well in your life? How are you going to respond to them?
Pauline Salvucci is a professional life coach and owner of Self-Care-0nline, LLC.
Her specialty is coaching men and women at midlife, particularly those living with chronic health conditions and family caregivers who are "sandwiched" between their families and their aging parents. Pauline's eBooks are available at http://www.self-care-online.com/ - she can be reached at pauline@self-care-online.com
